Strange Lunaverse

#16 Feel…

Luna — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 23:55:47 +0000

I was playing with the camera today after deciding I needed a new facebook profile picture. As I was editing this one I saw another opportunity to add to my 100 snapshots challenge. So here is #16 “Feel”

An invitation

Luna — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 18:30:09 +0000

I have been invited to join a blogging project. I’m still unsure if I am going to accept the offer or not. The blog is a self-improvement/goal-setting/achieving blog. There will be several contributors to the project, and it is a fantastic idea. However, I am not one to set goals. I’m more of a “go-with-it” kinda gal. I have a few ideas for new year’s “resolutions” but they aren’t really resolutions in the traditional sense. That’s a lie. I just thought of 2 that I really could do.I haven’t even really shared these with many people. A few of my closest friends know what I want in the upcoming year, but that’s about it. This is where my hesitation comes in. I’m not sure that I would have much to contribute to the site. I am most definitely interested in following this site, especially since at least 2 of the contributors are people that I love and care about. I am excited to watch them grow and achieve the things they want.

The new year is 2 days away, I suppose I should make a decision and get back with my friend. Maybe I should seriously consider it. Make a list of things I would like to make sure I do in the upcoming year. The last few years have been rough ones for me and I am looking forward to rediscovering myself and working on who I wish to become, which is the woman I know I can be.

I think I am definitely going to make a list of the things I wish to accomplish in this new year.

Life and things and stuff

Luna — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 20:51:59 +0000

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you. Sometimes that cosmic clue by 4 is a mean sonuva… I have spent much time in the last year or so criticizing people for being cowardly and last night I had an epiphany. It really is true what they say, “You hate in others what you hate most in yourself.” I realized last night what a coward I was. When I am confronted with something I am unsure of I run. Especially when that thing is a matter of the heart. I have been hurt by so many people I’m extremely protective of my heart. If I fear that it may get broken, I will usually suffer in silence if I have feelings for someone. In this upcoming year I think this is something I’m going to work on. Not being afraid of something. I’m still going to be cautious, but I can’t live my life without taking any risks for fear of getting hurt. What kind of life would that be for me? I’m not really calling this a resolution. Resolutions get broken. I’m making it a goal. Something to aim for; becoming a better, less cowardly me.

A challenge.

Luna — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 01:17:03 +0000

Over on facebook I was given a challenge. My friend and fellow aspiring photographer posted about a photo challenge. 100 snapshots. There are 100 prompt words. The challenge is to take one photo that will represent each word. The wonderful thing about this challenge is that, unlike the 365 projects that everyone is so keen on, there is no time limit. It doesn’t have to be a photo a day kind of deal. This is good for me for numerous reasons. I don’t always have my camera with me. I’m really horrible at committing to anything. Even something as silly as a photo project. So while sitting at The Best’s studio I decided to start the project. I had my camera and was in an old warehouse. What better place to start? The photos will not be taken in order, I’m sure, so here is prompt number 4. “Hot”

My Best Friend… My inspiration.

Luna — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 01:36:49 +0000

Back in August, I met Sean. We had a kind of instant bond, and since I arrived home from KC he and I have spent a total of maybe 6 days apart. We will be spending 5 days apart next week, as he is traveling to Cleveland for training for work and I will be traveling to MI to visit with an old friend. We’re both kinda “ack… what are we gonna do?” but it’s whatever. He is teaching me lots about photography and I am enjoying the time we spend together. He has been a very good friend. He actually has obtained best friend status. He is just fabulous. I don’t know how else to describe him. Our dynamic is fantastic. We are pretty much the same people, except he’s a little more evil than I am. Anyway. We were at his studio last week and playing with some lighting and so I snapped this portrait of him:

I know most wouldn’t find him conventionally hot, but knowing him the way that I do, I find him extremely attractive. I can honestly say, while I do find him attractive, his brain is what I find most sexy.

He’s the first person in a very long time that has earned my trust. And believe me when I say there is an amazing amount of trust. That trust is reciprocated as well. I know more about him than most people do. He is helping me discover a lot about myself. Things I’m not entirely sure about yet, but I’m oddly comfortable with exploring them.

It’s wonderful that I have made such a great friend. He’s the first new friend in a very long time that has earned the right to stick around (and actually has the desire to. )

Re-evaluation of things

Luna — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 00:22:10 +0000

I’m contemplating a little redesign of the site. I really need to start blogging more, but I just never have anything to write about. I’ve taken one photo that I’m really proud of but I haven’t decided if I’m going to share it. I just got permission to share it, but I’m still thinking I might want to wait… It might wait until after the redesign. Some things might come down some posts made private. We shall see. But since my sister renewed my domain for me I should probably at least, attempt to do something with it.

More to come.

Inspired…

Luna — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 22:42:26 +0000

I have recently made a new friend. I met him through another photographer friend of mine. I’m completely amateur. I know that. I have no delusions of what I can do. I have no formal training and any good photo I’ve taken, I feel, has been captured out of pure luck. But I feel inspired to work more with my photography. He and I talked today a bit about it. While he validates me as a photographer, I still feel inadequate when I surf through photos others have taken. I think I’m going to start researching and working on improving my skills and actually doing something with it. So.. Here’s to learning and becoming better at what I love.

Another couple of months. Jeez…

Luna — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 23:28:07 +0000

I really am bad at this blogging thing. I just get busy and/or I just can’t get to a computer to post. I just installed the WP app on my phone so now if I’m on the go and thinking about something or something happens I can then just hit it up. So… Let’s see. What is happening in the Lunaverse?

Well about a month after Boyo and I broke up, I was at work and these serious storms had hit. I’m talking tornadoes, hail the size of golf balls, torrential downpours… the works. There is a bank inside the store I work for and they have a TV set up that constantly runs the news/weather. Due to these storms the store was dead as was the bank so I was standing there watching the weather as this particular storm was heading right toward my sister’s place. Wait… I need to preface this story with a little back story..

One of the bankers is this very tall very handsome Man. We’ll call him…. I’ll come up with a good name for him later… Anyway, I noticed him long ago, but never really thought anything of it, y’know, because of that whole relationship thing. Sure he was adorable with the one dimple that was visible even through a beard. Sure his deepset blue eyes were amazing, but I never let it go past that. Admire from a distance. We may have flirted a little, but just harmless stuff as I walked by the bank. Exchanging glances and smiles, the military “I’ve got my eye on you” motion. Stupid shit like that.. The day I broke up with Boyo, I had told one of the girls at the bank that it had happened and ManDude was there (nope don’t like ‘ManDude’… there will be different ways to reference him throughout this post, I’m sure). I saw him whip his head around when I told her that. And honestly, I kinda wanted him to know that I was now single, though I didn’t really expect anything to come from that.

Now, back to the night of the storm. 5/25… So there I was standing at his window casually chatting about the storm, and then all of the sudden he starts asking “the” questions. ”Have you ever been Married?” ”Do you have kids?” ”What do you do for fun?” Then finally there it was… “What are you doing tonight?” …

…

Inside I was going “OMGOMGOMG THIS HOT GUY IS GONNA ASK ME OUT!” Outside I just said “Working till 11.” We chatted for a bit longer, about his son “Li’l Man” and life… then we both got customers as the storm died down and we had to go back to work. When they were leaving at about 20 past 8, he asked if I wanted to walk out with him. So I called my supervisor to come cover my break and walked out with him. We stood outside for a few minutes and we talked. He asked what I was doing that friday (“working till 11″) then Saturday (“again, working till 11″). He asked if I ever had a day off, I said sure I do. Then he asked for my number. I kinda laughed because I couldn’t believe he was actually asking me for my phone number. He said, ”No, seriously.” So we exchanged numbers. He said to me “If I put you in as [real name], I’m going to think you’re a dude!” (my real name is an androgynous name). I said “So put me in as ‘Luna’, that’s what most people call me anyway. So we said our good-byes and he left. I walked back into work with the biggest grin on my face. I couldn’t stop smiling. So, I was fully not expecting to hear from him for a couple of days. 20 mins later, the following conversation happens

Him Already trees down near my house.
Me Boo. Any other damage
Him No. Jus a little bit of debris. Geez , i dont know how much more blunt i can get by askin u bout when i can take u out.
Him Like pullin teeth
Him Oh , i thought u only text.maybe i should call u.bein so busy and all.
Me Not busy. Sprint sucks. And I know you were trying to ask me out, but asking what I’m doing is not blunt. Asking me if I would like to go out some time is blunt
Him Oh im just given u a rought time. Just seein when u werent busy.its totally cool
Me But what did you have in mind?
Him Whatever. Maybe just get some drinks some night, hang out. Go to a concert or somethin. I really like good music.
Me We could make that happen. Could be fun.
Him Got a buddy that sells ticks for the schuster center and can always get em for good shows. May be u should send that text 4 more times.lol hehehehe
Me I’m game for anything. And my phone sucks inside.
Him Cool. Me too. What u realy like?
Him Chillin with my feet up……how nice.
Me As of right now I am off Sunday and Wednesday next week. That may change but I’ll let you know
Him Right on. Does the past even matter?
Me No. My past is what made me the person I am today. I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done
Him Yea. It definitely builds character. Learn how not to be a jackass!
Him Sweet…..
Me I’m still a jackass, but I’m okay with it. Because I have fun.
Him Fun. Fun. Fun… It is what it is.
Me Jesus sprint sucks tonight. Txts are all out of whack. My best said she’s having issues too.
Him We all do….
Me My philosophy on life is exactly that. It is what it is.
Him U go campin or anything?
Him My fingers have never move this much. Well maybe …..but this is the most ive text in a long time
Me I used to go camping. I haven’t been since 07
Me And why you gotta be dirty?
Him Well. U dont go a lot. But i do know some real good spots.cabrewwin fun too.
Him Oh just a little bit. My thumbs hurt. Good pain though….
Him Oh does someone else see ur texts?
Me Okay normally I can decipher txt typos… cabrewwin though… lost me.
Him Canoein and drinkin …..cabrewin
Me Ah, Cabrewing… yes.
Him Fun.
Me Noone else sees my txts no. But dirty is bad… its been a long time
Him Dirty……good..lol
Me It can be good…
Me I’m ready to get out of here
Him So close….
Me Not close enough
Me Ready to go home. Pour a shot of whiskey get in my jammies and watch a movie
Him That sounds really good.
Me It’s what I do
Me you pass out on me?
Him Gettin tired…wore out.
Me Go to sleep then.
Him Sleepy time. Take a nap in my chair….no work tomorrow
Me I do work so don’t rub it in. Good night

That was it. That Sunday we had our first date. I was blown away. It was an actual date where he came and picked me up. We went to play miniature golf, had dinner then were supposed to go see fireworks for Memorial Day. We spent too much time talking before we ordered dinner, though, so our food didn’t even get to the table until 9:15 and fireworks started at 9:30. So we sat, ate, talked, laughed and then decided we weren’t ready for the night to be over. We ended up going to his place, grabbing some beer then going back to my apartment. We watched Shutter Island, though I use the term watch loosely because we spent most of the time he was there talking. We ended up kissing a little, but nothing major happened. Then around 1:30am he went home. We’ve been dating ever since. Things are difficult because of “Li’l Man.” I won’t go into all that here, but Sublime has him most of the time, and as it is too soon for me to meet him, we have to work around that schedule.

This past Saturday was his birthday and he brought the Best Friend over to meet me, and I assume give approval. That approval was given. I’ve also apparently been given girlfriend status… Which I’m totally cool with, I just would have liked to be in on that decision. So, I’m refusing to acknowledge it until such time as it is brought up in conversation. If in the next month he hasn’t said anything I will bring it up and be all “Dude, so what’s up with this…. Are we making it officially official or what?” I mean I really kinda dig him. I like the way I feel when we hang, it’s comfortable, but not so much that it’s boring. So, we will see. Right now I’m just enjoying him and the time we do get to spend together. It is what it is. Right now I’m happy.

Serenade!!!!

Luna — Fri, 06 May 2011 04:27:20 +0000

So our,as of now, unamed trio of awesomness (terrific trifecta?) is hanging out at Starbucks for some much needed girl time. We were sitting outside and I turn around and who should I see, but OMGELVIS!!! FTW. We sneaked a photo in and immediately posted it to Facebook. Well, about 20 minutes later, he comes out the door and asks if we want him to sing us a song. ZOMG it was one of the worst renditions of “I can’t help Falling In Love With You” I have ever heard. Despite that, it was completely made of win. If I planned on having children, oh the stories I could tell!!!!

Tonight is awesome. Boyo and I have split up and I am in much need of awesome girl time. It makes me happy to be with my girlfriends. And BTW, my friends are the best!!!

Also: Mocha Coconut Frappuccino FTW

Breaking up is hard to do.

Luna — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 07:31:41 +0000

It has now been almost a week since I ended my relationship with Boyo. There is part of me that is still just devastated. I would have loved for us to be that “forever” couple. The fact of the matter is, we weren’t in love anymore. I stopped seeing us growing old together a long time ago. There were just too many differences. My dear friend Gus said to me tonight, “They are all wrong until they are right.”

Everyone keeps telling me that I seem happier. I don’t know that happier is the right word for it. I am not happy about my decision, but it is what it is. Relieved maybe? Calmer? I don’t know. My heart is still breaking. This isn’t like when I left ExHubs. ExHubs was a total douche. He was emotionally abusive, and I hated him. I resented him for stealing my youth. I graduated HS and moved in with him and directly went into “wife” mode. I didn’t get to experience things until I was well into my 20s. I never want Boyo to feel that way about me. I hope someday that he will look back on our relationship and remember the happy times. Remember how much I loved him and how much he loved me. I will always carry with me the way he made me feel.

I made the comment in my post about his snooping that I felt like I wasn’t cut out for relationships. I should change that to “I’m not cut out to be in a relationship right now”. I just can’t see giving myself completely to one person for the rest of my life. I don’t need someone in my life to make me happy. I need to be happy with just me. I am simply too selfish with my heart. I don’t want to share it with anyone. 5 years ago I was ready to give it to whoever would take it. That caused lots of heartache on my part. Maybe that’s why I feel this way. That is why I don’t want to love that deeply anymore. Yes, someday I would love to share my life with someone. I want that to be someone I can share everything with. Someone I don’t have to worry about being offended by my often brutal honesty. Someone who will be able to handle their own when it comes to my friends. (because lets face it, while y’all are awesome, you can be … intimidating… to an outsider).

I don’t know. The only thing I know for sure right now is that I am truly blessed to have the people in my life that I do. All of my friends have been extremely supportive of my decision. And in the coming weeks there will be times when I need them. I am terrified of this new venture. Once Boyo is completely moved out, I will be on my own for the first time in my entire adult life. Despite the fear, I’m looking forward to being able to go out without having to explain myself. To not having to worry about waking someone up if I’m out late. I like knowing that I can sleep in my bed and not have to worry that my snoring will keep my partner awake. All of that seems so trivial and petty, but it goes back to being selfish. But dammit I have earned my selfishness. I have cared for other people for so long and not cared enough for myself.

Thank you all for being part of my life. Thank you all for checking up on me, but also please keep Boyo in your thoughts and prayers as he is hurting also.